Beginings

So I've managed to play soo many head games with my head that I feel like I have a permanent dent in it. I have to say that dealing with this procedure 4 months before my wedding was not the smartest idea i've had, but again, worse things have occured. Am I setting myself up for a nervous breakdown? Perhaps, but it could not be any worse than the humiliation I feel everytime someone gives my the once look over while waiting for the elevator or walking past me on the sidewalk. That is pure hell. But I have to be brave and know that I can get thru this without any casultaties. Have I mentioned how much of an angel my fiance Dean is. It takes a strong man to sign up for what I've commited to in the next little while. He believes in me and that is the only thing that gets me thru waking up everymorning. I approached him a few years ago with this idea, but being a strongwilled man, he tried to convince me over and over again that I could do this on my own and without the surgery. I wanted to believe him soo bad that I convinced myself I could also do it. But having taken those steps forward soo many times only to go back steps over and over again, I finally made the decision that is best for me. Not for anyone else, because in the big schmes of things, this is my body, my temple and my life. I can only be responsible formyself and my actions. So do I have faith is this process, sure do. I have to.